I feel like I don’t have much to say. Or when I do have something to say, it is wrong.
Same with writing. I don’t think I have any stories. Or if I do, I don’t know how to tell them.
That’s why this blog is empty.
I went to India, Thailand, L.A., I’m in Berlin now – yet I have written nothing. I’m afraid of discovering that I don’t have good stories to tell.
When I put some words on the paper or screen, I reread them so many times they almost lose meaning. I see everything that’s wrong but don’t know how to fix.
It’s the same when I look in the mirror. Literally and figuratively. And I see all that’s wrong and can pinpoint every flaw, but don’t know how to make them go away.
I’ve heard several times that I overthink things. But when I try not to, I make mistakes and upset others. I become miserable. Yet, my overthinking doesn’t make things better. My mind just goes to places that make any kind of action look like a potential hole to fall into. And my fear of that defeats the desire to do more and be more. Instead, I become closed off. Afraid of that hole that’s just waiting for me to fall.
I started writing this because I was reading a newsletter by David Sherry. I love how he writes. I don’t know him but when I read his letters, I don’t feel too alone. His newsletters aren’t about selling something, although sometimes he recommends you something, but an attempt to communicate something honest and real – and create a community.
I feel more and more that I’m looking for something that’s real, real impact – but I don’t know what. However, that makes me want to do more art. And write. And just go back to these simple activities that let you explore your inner world and give that a visible form.
When I read that newsletter about Sherry’s travel experience in Bangkok and then opened this writing box, I thought I wanted to share some of my own travel experiences and people I have met.
There was this man in Kerala who started a water sports centre and saved people when there was a huge storm this summer, and a woman in Fort Kochi who was wearing a beautiful red saree and offered me some chai, and a man in Jaipur who hosts couch surfers and has an elephant farm and whose mother shared their food with me, and a woman in Rishikesh who has an adorable child and who has a store and also does henna, and the girl in L.A. who went to improv jam and wanted to network with everyone and… Maybe that’s it. Maybe there’s more.
I shared a bit. In my mind, I think I should share more. In my mind, I feel I should have met more people. In my mind, I should be capable of telling more interesting stories. In my mind…
But why not just share what I want to share without overthinking it?
So I took a small step.
I shared something.